to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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