You can't special order awesome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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