I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
