After last night, I could never be a politician.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
