Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize