Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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