U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
