you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize