I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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