its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
