Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
