My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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