I'm so fucking centered right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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