I didn't shave. On purpose
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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