Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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