Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
