there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
