I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
