On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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