she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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