Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
