it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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