Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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