I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
