Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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