I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize