i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
