Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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