update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
