holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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