Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
