She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
