In the future we'll all be gay
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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