listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
