my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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