My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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