He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
