Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
