I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
