Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My feet surprised me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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