i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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