I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
