there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so let's talk penis.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
