hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
