Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize