Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
