i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
