Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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