He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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