Where did you get a picture of my penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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