can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
