the condom got lost in my hair
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
