just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
