I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
