I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
