i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize