I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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