Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize