Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
