I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize