he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
