There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
