Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
