final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
