if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
